"Shift Happens" - Reflections of 2015

You know that time when you wake up one day expecting it to be a good day, then someone throws a wrench in any plans you had leaving you with a painful welt on your mood, ego, confidence? Yeah. That's how my year was.

I started off the 2015 in my own apartment that I really liked. I had learned that I made the Dean's List and I was really close to graduating from undergrad. Later on, I got a part-time job that I actually enjoyed and looked forward to.

Then shift happened.

At the end of 2015, graduation is a bit further away than I would like, I'm living with my parents instead of my own apartment, and having to give up the job that I liked a couple weeks away from when my trial period ended. On top of that student loan people keep tapping my shoulder.

This year, I wanted to apply for graduation. Apply for a full-time job in my degree field. Date the guy that I'm supposed to marry. Perhaps be a step closer to having my own car. Try hosting a vegan dinner party. I don't consider those to be radical goals. Just normal things that many twentysomethings do. Plans happened in 2015, but they weren't my own.

I keep asking myself, "What went wrong? Why now? Why... at all?" To this day, I'm still without answers and I wouldn't be surprised if I don't get them anytime soon. Some days, I'm not even sure I want to know the answers to those questions. All I know is that God has other plans that are far greater than mine.

This December, I got a chance to go to a Christian missions conference in St. Louis called Urbana 15. Something that stuck with me the most is the fact that with God, things will often get worse before they get much better. Oh joy? When I first heard that, I didn't know what to think. I knew it applied to me but, it didn't leave me feeling comforted or worried.

It's easy for me to think of all the undesirable things that happen to me and dwell on it. So on New Year's Day 2015, I made a point to keep track of all the good thing that happened to me this year in a glass jar. In January 2016, I read them all. Here's some of what I wrote:

Wednesday, 7 January 2015 - Academic Achievement: Made the Dean's List for Fall 2014 with a 3.75 GPA, 3 A's and 1 B.

15 January 2015 - Signed up for Ballroom II class

16 March 2015 - Accepted a job at a library

22 March 2015 - First plane trip! Destination: Nashville, TN

Thursday, 9 April 2015 - Told a guy face-to-face how I felt about him.

29 October 2015 - First road trip with my sister. Destination: Gatlinburg, TN

18 December 2015 - Accepted a library position at a different library system (after being unemployed for a few months.)

27-31 December 2015 - Travelled to St. Louis, MO for Urbana 15

I had "firsts", experienced growth, and even travelled some. Even though some things (like the April 9th thing) didn't turn out the way I wanted it, the joy of  was much greater than any disappointment. Other events, like Urbana 15, turned out way better than I thought. Out of all the things that happened, I am reminded that I am not in control. I am reminded that my story is part of a bigger story with greater grandeur; a story that is currently being orchestrated by the Greatest Writer of All.

Right now, I walk into 2016 with hope and desires while leaving 2015 where it belongs: in the past.