Catalyst

When we were kids, at some point in time we are asked about our fears. We answer...

... the dark

... snakes

... dogs

... thunderstorms

... heights

... bugs/insects/spiders

Mine was always being stuck in deep water and losing my family. And it wasn't until recently that one of my new fears is being a catalyst.

A catalyst (in chemistry terms) is a substance that speeds up a chemical reaction but, doesn't experience any permanent chemical change itself. 

A catalyst (in relation to humans) is a person who, whether by presence, words or actions, helps encourage a positive change or speeds up the chance of something good happening to other people but, doesn't experience any of that in their own lives.

My fear is being that person. I'm afraid that my life is slowly going in that direction and I have no way of stopping it.

I wish I could tell you that I'm going to brave it, make it mine, shine and be the best darn catalyst I can be. But I don't see any benefit in being one. Sure, other people get the help that they probably need, but what does the helper get after a while? It's one of those, ongoing "Okay, they're good but, what about me?" things. It's like being a superhero without the cool abilities, powers or fame (or infamy).