Being Single and Desiring Romantic Relationships

Lately I've been thinking about my life, romantic relationships, marriage and relationships in books, movies and television. You know, like many single people do. 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at freedigitalphotos.net

One of the things that I've been thinking is how much I would love to see a movie, preferably a rom-com, where Zac Efron plays a character whose love interest just happens to be a black woman. And not letting their different skin color be the main plot of the story. I think it would adorable and a great way to show that black women date men of different races, cultures and ethnicities as well. I could dedicate an entire post to that but I just wanted to mention that.

•     •     •

Being a super-single woman and all, I still desire companionship and I still want to get married one day. Now for whatever reason, when I happen to mention this, there's always that one person who either:
A: Insists that I would be better off staying single.
B: Proceeds to lecture me about how relationships and marriage is difficult, that I need to be up to the challenge or that marriage and relationships are for everyone.
C: Quickly responds with saying, "Don't be in a rush. Focus on you."
D: Says that it's better to be single and happy than be in a relationship and miserable.

Or

E: Laughs in response.

Okay the last one happened more so in elementary and middle school... (Kids can be mean.)

My responses are: 

A - *side eye* "How do you know? We're two different people."

B - "I'm not clueless and I never said anything about relationships or marriage being easy. Just remember that being single isn't a walk in the park either." 

C - "I am focusing on me. And who said anything about being in a rush 'cause I didn't." 

D - "And what about being in a relationship and being happy? Or do you think that's unheard of?"

For me those remarks that people make can make me feel like it's wrong for me to want to be in a romantic relationship and to get married one day. So, then I don't feel like sharing anything about myself to anyone. Then I have to remind myself that they can give me their advice all they want, but God has the ultimate say so. He knows my heart and my desires and He knows what's best for me.

I'm not ashamed to admit that although I want to date, get married and have a family of my own one day, I'm choosy. I want to be in a healthy relationship/marriage one day. I won't settle for any random guy that comes my way. There are certain things about a guy that I will and will not accept. And I realize that's something that those people don't know about me. They've never bothered to ask or talked with me long enough to learn. Their loss. 

So if there are any other "super-singles" like me out there, my message to you is this: it's okay. It's okay to want to be in a healthy, happy long-term relationship or get married one day. It's okay to have some days where you crave some romantic companionship and others where you embrace being single. It's okay to have standards. It's normal to feel a little impatient at times. It's what makes us human. Don't let anyone shame you into thinking that if your single now then you're not supposed to desire otherwise. 

Are twentysomething, single, Christian men rare?

In a world where:

     Atheism/anti-theism/agnosticism is on the rise...

     Cheating and sleeping around is considered normal... 

     Divorce is so common it's almost expected...

Do single, twentysomething, Christian men who want to get married (and stay married) even exist anymore? If they are hiding, what (or who) are they hiding from and why?

As twentysomething, Christian women, we need to be careful of who we let into our lives and look to God for guidance. Why? Because there are wolves in sheep's clothing. So what's a girl to do? Well, some non-Christian dating experts will say, "Look outside the Church. Does he really have to be Christian? There are plenty of guys out there who will love and take care of you but aren't into the 'God thing'. Just give them a chance." 

While I don't doubt that there are some good, non-Christian guys out there who will make wonderful spouses, putting a Christian and non-Christian together in a relationship is not only unwise, but it's not God's best. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 talks about just that. For Christ-followers, God comes first, especially marriage. In a marriage, two people are coming together to be seen as one in the eyes of God. So, what happens when one spouse has a relationship with God while the doesn't and could care less? In that case, there's no Godly foundation. The couple is bound to experience more conflict, clashing and exhaustion that can weaken the marriage over time. No one wants to be in a relationship that's tiresome and problematic.

With that being said, If you're a single, twentysomething, Christian woman who wants to get married my message for you is this (and you probably won't like it): keeping waiting, keep praying and don't lower your expectations. If you're a single, twentysomething, Christian guy who wants to get married then my message for you is this: SPEAK UP, let your intentions and actions be clear, and pray for guidance.

What are your thoughts??

Single Women, Married Men, and Modesty

Image credit: farconville via freedigitalphotos.net

I once came across a quote that read: 

"Dress how you want other women to dress around your husband. - Kim Doebler"

Say huh??? This quote really irked me.

I understand that it's not necessary for women to dress overly seductively all of the time. Yes, some outfits can be waaay too tight, too low-cut, and/or too revealing. I am an advocate of women, Christian or not, wearing what makes them comfortable, what they like, and is situation appropriate. Example: It's 95º and humid outside. I'm not wearing long pants, close toed shoes and a high-neck top with sleeves that stop at my elbows simply because I may run into someone's husband that has no control (or that I need wear it simply to control my supposed "seductress-marriage-wrecking powers")!

This quote makes it sound like a woman's husband cannot be trusted; so, it's up to all the other single women out there to jump in and help solve their problem. If a woman's husband cannot control himself, that's between the man and the woman in that relationship. If she doesn't trust her husband for whatever reason, that's their issue to deal with, and no one elses. No woman should have to plan her outfits for the purpose of hiding herself for some other woman's husband or boyfriend.

Upon reading this I felt that there's an assumption that all women are dressing up for men all of the time. (Ignoring those women who do so.) Women typically dress for themselves and for the situation. I also add 'for God' to that. I respect myself and I love the body that God gave me. I (and hopefully other single women) have enough common sense to know that purposefully dressing in clothes to make others stumble is just mean and doesn't get you the attention that you want.

I also felt like this quote is a very subtle way of linking single women with the cause of infidelity. It takes two.

I would hope that if/when I get married, I still have the common sense to know that I cannot control how other women dress and their reasons for why. I hope that I still know that I shouldn't care about the actions of other women because the marriage that I'm in is between me, him, and God. I hope and pray that he's the kind of man who has eyes for me and me alone, that he deeply cares about our marriage, and if he's ever feeling tempted, he would remove himself from that situation, not play the blame-game on the other woman, then come talk and pray with me.