Being Single and Desiring Romantic Relationships

Lately I've been thinking about my life, romantic relationships, marriage and relationships in books, movies and television. You know, like many single people do. 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at freedigitalphotos.net

One of the things that I've been thinking is how much I would love to see a movie, preferably a rom-com, where Zac Efron plays a character whose love interest just happens to be a black woman. And not letting their different skin color be the main plot of the story. I think it would adorable and a great way to show that black women date men of different races, cultures and ethnicities as well. I could dedicate an entire post to that but I just wanted to mention that.

•     •     •

Being a super-single woman and all, I still desire companionship and I still want to get married one day. Now for whatever reason, when I happen to mention this, there's always that one person who either:
A: Insists that I would be better off staying single.
B: Proceeds to lecture me about how relationships and marriage is difficult, that I need to be up to the challenge or that marriage and relationships are for everyone.
C: Quickly responds with saying, "Don't be in a rush. Focus on you."
D: Says that it's better to be single and happy than be in a relationship and miserable.

Or

E: Laughs in response.

Okay the last one happened more so in elementary and middle school... (Kids can be mean.)

My responses are: 

A - *side eye* "How do you know? We're two different people."

B - "I'm not clueless and I never said anything about relationships or marriage being easy. Just remember that being single isn't a walk in the park either." 

C - "I am focusing on me. And who said anything about being in a rush 'cause I didn't." 

D - "And what about being in a relationship and being happy? Or do you think that's unheard of?"

For me those remarks that people make can make me feel like it's wrong for me to want to be in a romantic relationship and to get married one day. So, then I don't feel like sharing anything about myself to anyone. Then I have to remind myself that they can give me their advice all they want, but God has the ultimate say so. He knows my heart and my desires and He knows what's best for me.

I'm not ashamed to admit that although I want to date, get married and have a family of my own one day, I'm choosy. I want to be in a healthy relationship/marriage one day. I won't settle for any random guy that comes my way. There are certain things about a guy that I will and will not accept. And I realize that's something that those people don't know about me. They've never bothered to ask or talked with me long enough to learn. Their loss. 

So if there are any other "super-singles" like me out there, my message to you is this: it's okay. It's okay to want to be in a healthy, happy long-term relationship or get married one day. It's okay to have some days where you crave some romantic companionship and others where you embrace being single. It's okay to have standards. It's normal to feel a little impatient at times. It's what makes us human. Don't let anyone shame you into thinking that if your single now then you're not supposed to desire otherwise. 

7 Things I Wish All Guys Knew About Women

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I've often wondered what I would say if I had the opportunity to give a talk to a bunch of guys on women in general.

A quick Google search or look in the self-help section at book stores can give you tons of material to read; some serious, some humorous and satirical. So why am I writing this? Well, besides the fact that I want to, I'm also writing this in hope that there will be something that some guy out there will find helpful. Remember, this isn't an "end all be all". I'm just sharing from my experiences, point of view and my observations.

Dear Guys,

"What do women talk about when they're away from guys?" The answer is any and everything. Many times, it's not about you or any other guy. We talk about everything from what's going on in our lives to what's going on in the news. (FYI: Women can be just as dirty, raunchy, nasty, gory, potty-mouthed or crass in conversation as men can.)

On behalf of all introverted and quiet girls out there, we know you are drawn to the outgoing and extroverted girls; there's no waiting or guess work and less effort. Just know that there are other girls that are that just as interesting... if not more who are not outgoing or extroverted. Please don't assume that just because we're quiet, we won't talk to you or anyone. Just try engaging in conversation with us. So, how can you tell if she's interested in you? Along with the standard prolonged eye contact and smiling whenever you look her way, if she repeatedly goes out of her way to talk to you one-on-one, compliment you or say hi... she probably likes you. So, what do you do if you go talk to her but, she still seems really "quiet"? Be patient. Sometimes, it takes time for us to warm up to someone new. (She may also be silently freaking out because the guy that she really likes is taking notice of her.)

NO MEANS NO. Period. I don't care if that no is, 

"No, I don't want to go to there."

"No, I'm not interested in you."

"No, I don't want to have sex with you". 

I don't care if she adds "sorry" to her no. She gave you her answer, so BACK OFF.

Black women like non-black guys too. Black women like white guys, Asian guys, Latino guys, Middle Eastern guys, Pacific Islander guys, mixed guys, Indian guys, Native American guys as well.

Dancing is attractive. I'm talking about ballroom and latin dancing. Whether you're a novice, an expert or somewhere in between, knowing how or learning how to lead is attractive. It shows confidence and leadership. Plus, it's fun and seeing you having fun dancing makes us happy, too.

You are not less of a man if you don't eat anything that came from an animal. I'm going to admit that I'm a little puzzled at where "real men eat meat" came from. Most women will not look down upon you or think less of you because you don't eat any animal products. In fact it shows that you are compassionate and caring towards all creatures, that you care about the environment, other people and your health.

We wear make up for ourselves, not you. Women wear make up because it's fun to wear and experiment with, we like the way it looks on us and it's a way to add something to our own style.