Are twentysomething, single, Christian men rare?

In a world where:

     Atheism/anti-theism/agnosticism is on the rise...

     Cheating and sleeping around is considered normal... 

     Divorce is so common it's almost expected...

Do single, twentysomething, Christian men who want to get married (and stay married) even exist anymore? If they are hiding, what (or who) are they hiding from and why?

As twentysomething, Christian women, we need to be careful of who we let into our lives and look to God for guidance. Why? Because there are wolves in sheep's clothing. So what's a girl to do? Well, some non-Christian dating experts will say, "Look outside the Church. Does he really have to be Christian? There are plenty of guys out there who will love and take care of you but aren't into the 'God thing'. Just give them a chance." 

While I don't doubt that there are some good, non-Christian guys out there who will make wonderful spouses, putting a Christian and non-Christian together in a relationship is not only unwise, but it's not God's best. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 talks about just that. For Christ-followers, God comes first, especially marriage. In a marriage, two people are coming together to be seen as one in the eyes of God. So, what happens when one spouse has a relationship with God while the doesn't and could care less? In that case, there's no Godly foundation. The couple is bound to experience more conflict, clashing and exhaustion that can weaken the marriage over time. No one wants to be in a relationship that's tiresome and problematic.

With that being said, If you're a single, twentysomething, Christian woman who wants to get married my message for you is this (and you probably won't like it): keeping waiting, keep praying and don't lower your expectations. If you're a single, twentysomething, Christian guy who wants to get married then my message for you is this: SPEAK UP, let your intentions and actions be clear, and pray for guidance.

What are your thoughts??

8 More Things I Wish Guys Knew About Women

Hello all! I enjoyed writing the first part to this so much, I decided to do another one.

When we talk to you about different things or our problems, sometimes we aren't looking for a "fix-it" response. Some times we just want you to listen and to be in the know about what we're dealing with at that time.

Why do we like sparkly things? For the same reason that men like cars. We just do.

We wish that all men could experience the pain and discomfort of periods, cramps and child birth so you all the comments about it being "not that bad" can stop.

"Why do women keep dating and falling for the 'bad boy'?" 

1. Well, think about what make the "bad boy"... bad. He didn't get that reputation because he was self-conscious and unsure of himself. It's because he was confident. Ladies like a man who's confident. Besides, we can ask you all the same thing. Why do you keep dating and falling for women who are flaky, inconsiderate and/or uncaring about you or your relationship?

2. Some women sometime truly don't see what you see or if they do, they don't care.
3. Sometimes, they're getting something out of that relationship that they believe they can't get from anyone else.
4. Sometimes, she's not the person you really think she is.
(Note: Guys, if you're falling hard for a girl that is with a "bad boy", you can warn her; especially if you all are close. However, be prepared for the possibility of having to move on.)

If you get slapped or something thrown at you for drawing a parallel between anger and her period or PMSing... you probably deserve it.

Don't assume that a woman wouldn't know about anything that's considered to be incredibly geeky or nerdy. Give her a chance and wait to see if she tells you whether or not she understands what you're talking about. You may find out that she's interested in learning more.

"Why do women like muscular guys?" For the same reasons some guys like women with well-endowed chests and curvy rear-ends. We just do. Okay, seriously. Some women are attracted to muscular men because on some level, visible physical fitness can be an indicator of health. On another level we think "muscles = strength = more likely to be able to protect the ones he loves from harm". On another note, women have preferences just like men. Don't assume that a woman wouldn't be interested in a guy because he doesn't have Chris Hemsworth's body. Just be you and take care of your body.

Stop saying, "Hey, girl/baby/sweetheart." to us if we aren't in any kind of relationship. Yes, we know it's meant to be flattering but, it's annoying and uncomfortable. It's condescending. If we aren't in any relationship with you, you don't have that freedom to call us that.

Women like guys that like to read. Magazines don't count.

Ladies, are there any other things you wish guys knew about girls? Comment and share.

7 Things I Wish All Guys Knew About Women

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I've often wondered what I would say if I had the opportunity to give a talk to a bunch of guys on women in general.

A quick Google search or look in the self-help section at book stores can give you tons of material to read; some serious, some humorous and satirical. So why am I writing this? Well, besides the fact that I want to, I'm also writing this in hope that there will be something that some guy out there will find helpful. Remember, this isn't an "end all be all". I'm just sharing from my experiences, point of view and my observations.

Dear Guys,

"What do women talk about when they're away from guys?" The answer is any and everything. Many times, it's not about you or any other guy. We talk about everything from what's going on in our lives to what's going on in the news. (FYI: Women can be just as dirty, raunchy, nasty, gory, potty-mouthed or crass in conversation as men can.)

On behalf of all introverted and quiet girls out there, we know you are drawn to the outgoing and extroverted girls; there's no waiting or guess work and less effort. Just know that there are other girls that are that just as interesting... if not more who are not outgoing or extroverted. Please don't assume that just because we're quiet, we won't talk to you or anyone. Just try engaging in conversation with us. So, how can you tell if she's interested in you? Along with the standard prolonged eye contact and smiling whenever you look her way, if she repeatedly goes out of her way to talk to you one-on-one, compliment you or say hi... she probably likes you. So, what do you do if you go talk to her but, she still seems really "quiet"? Be patient. Sometimes, it takes time for us to warm up to someone new. (She may also be silently freaking out because the guy that she really likes is taking notice of her.)

NO MEANS NO. Period. I don't care if that no is, 

"No, I don't want to go to there."

"No, I'm not interested in you."

"No, I don't want to have sex with you". 

I don't care if she adds "sorry" to her no. She gave you her answer, so BACK OFF.

Black women like non-black guys too. Black women like white guys, Asian guys, Latino guys, Middle Eastern guys, Pacific Islander guys, mixed guys, Indian guys, Native American guys as well.

Dancing is attractive. I'm talking about ballroom and latin dancing. Whether you're a novice, an expert or somewhere in between, knowing how or learning how to lead is attractive. It shows confidence and leadership. Plus, it's fun and seeing you having fun dancing makes us happy, too.

You are not less of a man if you don't eat anything that came from an animal. I'm going to admit that I'm a little puzzled at where "real men eat meat" came from. Most women will not look down upon you or think less of you because you don't eat any animal products. In fact it shows that you are compassionate and caring towards all creatures, that you care about the environment, other people and your health.

We wear make up for ourselves, not you. Women wear make up because it's fun to wear and experiment with, we like the way it looks on us and it's a way to add something to our own style.

Single Women, Married Men, and Modesty

Image credit: farconville via freedigitalphotos.net

I once came across a quote that read: 

"Dress how you want other women to dress around your husband. - Kim Doebler"

Say huh??? This quote really irked me.

I understand that it's not necessary for women to dress overly seductively all of the time. Yes, some outfits can be waaay too tight, too low-cut, and/or too revealing. I am an advocate of women, Christian or not, wearing what makes them comfortable, what they like, and is situation appropriate. Example: It's 95º and humid outside. I'm not wearing long pants, close toed shoes and a high-neck top with sleeves that stop at my elbows simply because I may run into someone's husband that has no control (or that I need wear it simply to control my supposed "seductress-marriage-wrecking powers")!

This quote makes it sound like a woman's husband cannot be trusted; so, it's up to all the other single women out there to jump in and help solve their problem. If a woman's husband cannot control himself, that's between the man and the woman in that relationship. If she doesn't trust her husband for whatever reason, that's their issue to deal with, and no one elses. No woman should have to plan her outfits for the purpose of hiding herself for some other woman's husband or boyfriend.

Upon reading this I felt that there's an assumption that all women are dressing up for men all of the time. (Ignoring those women who do so.) Women typically dress for themselves and for the situation. I also add 'for God' to that. I respect myself and I love the body that God gave me. I (and hopefully other single women) have enough common sense to know that purposefully dressing in clothes to make others stumble is just mean and doesn't get you the attention that you want.

I also felt like this quote is a very subtle way of linking single women with the cause of infidelity. It takes two.

I would hope that if/when I get married, I still have the common sense to know that I cannot control how other women dress and their reasons for why. I hope that I still know that I shouldn't care about the actions of other women because the marriage that I'm in is between me, him, and God. I hope and pray that he's the kind of man who has eyes for me and me alone, that he deeply cares about our marriage, and if he's ever feeling tempted, he would remove himself from that situation, not play the blame-game on the other woman, then come talk and pray with me.

Dear Girl...

To all the girls/women out there who struggle with being "super-single", this letter is for you.

Dear Girl,

You consider yourself to be "super-single". Meaning the following has never happened to you: 

• had a boyfriend... like ever
• been on a date before or asked to any school dances or proms
• been kissed (obviously)
• known what it's like to find out that the guy you have a crush on feels the same way (in real-life, mind you)

You've heard the phrases, "Oh, you'll find someone.", "You just have to get out there.", "He'll be here before you know it.", etc. more times than you can count. And if you had a dollar for every time someone has said those phrases and others like it, you'd probably have good start for a savings account. (Perhaps you're cringing at the sight of those words strung together.)

You pray and wait, you wonder what's wrong with you. You hope, half-playfully, that he didn't get hit by a bus or something else tragic. You've asked yourself, "Where are all the other 'super-singles' like me??"

Me too.

I want to let you know that you are not alone. You are not a freak. You're not invisible. God hasn't forgotten about you. I promise.

My words of encouragement aren't the true (albeit, overused) phrases uttered by well-meaning peers and family. I don't have a magic phrase or body spray to use to change the outcome of things. I won't tell you that this journey will be easy or that you'll never have times you wish you were in a relationship. (I'm getting to the good part, I promise.)

My advice is one that even I have to go back remind myself sometimes. Give your worries, fears, stresses and frustrations to God. Doing this isn't like a vending machine where you put something in, tap a few buttons, and out comes what you want. God doesn't work that way. Giving your concerns to God ensures that you don't have to hold on to them yourself anymore. It takes the stress and baggage off of you and starts the process in trusting that God knows what He's doing. It strengthens your relationship with Him.

Continue to go on with your life and take advantage of the things you can learn and do while being single. (There are some, I promise.) Don't give up or lose hope. Stop comparing your chapter to what you see others proclaim on Facebook. Just scroll on. And when you're feeling exceptionally lonely, find or go to some trusted social support. Don't let the stress fester inside of you. If it takes a workout session or curling up in your sweats with your blanket, book (or Netflix) and your favorite stuffed animal... do it. And remind yourself that you are exactly where you need to be.

All my love,

Barb

Stereotypes of Black Women? This Madness Must End!

Hello all! Something has been on my mind lately. It's black women and how the media and general public negatively perceive us. I don't really know what the origin of this thought came from. Perhaps it's the upcoming election, maybe part of it is the situation regarding the bus driver and the patron that happend in Cleveland. Then again, maybe it's because I'm getting older and I'm becoming more aware to what's going on around me. Whether you choose to deny it or accept it, black women are still negatively stereotyped. When you close your eyes and picture a black woman in front of you, what do you honestly see? Here's a little list of some common ones:

1. All black women are overweight and don't take care of themselves---Not true! Take a look around and you'll see just like any other person and any other race, we come in different shapes and sizes. Each individual black woman has a different view of things and a different background. Some are more physically active than others. Just because they may not do the things you do or don't go to your gym doesn't mean that they don't value their health and well-being. Who knows, they may be more health conscious than you.

2. They don't listen to their men or they're always putting them down---I see this a lot in movies and television. I've never been a relationship before so I can't say a lot about this. Yes, some women are like that but believe me, we're not the only ones. And the group that fits into this category, is small.

3. Always angry---I've never really understood this one. Do we appear angry or is it how we come across? Maybe that person is having a bad day, isn't feeling well, etc. A particular person just may be more passionate about something than you are and it may come off as angry.

4. Narcissistic---It depends on the person and their personality. Some are more "me, me, me" and others are more willing to help others and lift them up. Personally, I know more black women who are the latter, including me and my family.

5. LOUD---My sister and I are living proof that not all black women are loud. That's something that the media puts into your head. I'm naturally a quiet person and I've been that way since pre-school. I've tried shouting and people have told me that I'm still not loud enough. (Truthfully, I haven't the foggiest what they're talking about.) Like any other person, some have louder voices so it seems like they're loud, some of us are more extroverted and outgoing regardless of who's around.

6. Hair is everything to us---I see this as more of a woman thing than a black woman thing. Society has created a "box" of what beauty is and unfortunately, black women weren't included. So we have become more active in finding what works for us and sometimes it's a longer process.

This just naming a few. The list could go on and into even more detail. Especially with attitude and looks. In my opinion negative stereotypes stem from ignorance and prejudice. And the media has don't more hurt than help so far. Very few media outlets are working to debunk these stereotypical myths So before you try to fit a person who just happens to be a black woman into how you think they live and act, try getting to know them. With about 7 billion people living on the planet, God has made each and every person different and without mistakes.